Being judgmental


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Have you ever asked yourself this question…am I judgmental?? Are we really?? Do we, really jump into conclusion, without even understanding the whole context??

As stated by Erez in his blog: ‘Judgmental is not stating an opinion or even labeling something as “good” or “bad”. Being judgmental is when based on one quality of someone or something you conclude about his whole nature, about all his other qualities’. Why are we so quick in labeling others as judgmental. One expresses an opinion during an argument and the other accuses him of being judgmental. We all have been in both sides of this situation, sometimes as the accuser, sometimes as the accused.Is expression of an opinion means we are judgmental? Not necessarily! But judging a person based on one aspect is called Judgmental!!

I guess I did the same thing when a friend shared the story of her and her husband’s first fight with me…

Married just a week back and she already had her first fight. My friend told me how because she wasn’t very active on bed one day, her husband almost picked up a fight with her. Really!! It all started off with a small argument. He complained that she is not as active as him and wanted to know what is the problem? He was leaving for a business tour…first time leaving her alone after marriage. She wanted him to leave in peace but things turned ugly when he continuously complained about the same issue and she interrupted saying that its not fair to pick up a fight on such things just before leaving. She threw the TV remote control and the cushion on the floor out of anger and that was it. The fight became very ugly, with him pushing her off the sofa and she in return hitting him. What had happened suddenly which turned these love birds into angry birds? Not trying to joke thou!!

After listening to her, I was very angry on her husband and was quick enough to advice her to leave him. While I was still busy cursing him in my mind, she  held my hand and said ‘my husband is an amazing person and he has the most kindest heart ever. I was shocked. I was about to blast her when she again said, ‘every human being have their own way of expressing their emotions. My husband is a very loving person and he loves me dearly. He wants to be sure every time, that I also love him dearly and that he is the only person I think of all the time. His way of expressing his emotions is very different than mine. She went on to say…If we argue or fight, I would want to be left alone for sometime but he would not leave me alone. He would come and hug me, would want to cuddle and kiss me. Because according to him, if we fight, we should not go away from each other rather we should be more close to each other’. WOW!

Few minutes back, I was completely against this guy and now I don’t really know how to react. I felt stupid/surprised…of myself. I realized that I reacted on the heat of the moment. I didn’t even try to understand the whole situation or asked my friend about her husband’s nature or may be my friend started the conversation in a wrong way. She was very upset thinking about the fight so she just shared it without actually giving me a clear context to it. And yes, she was right in saying that ‘every human being has their own way of expressing emotions’. Look at me, I had expressed my anger and dislike for him without even knowing him. That means, without a 2nd thought, I passed my judgment on him of being a ‘bad human being’.

With my personal experience and watching other people, I have realized that it is so easy for us to jump into a conclusion. This is when we apply the law – seeing is believing, without even putting an effort to understand the whole situation or the person involved in it. Based on one quality of a person or situation, we conclude about his whole natureI guess all of us does the same right? Anyone who says they haven’t been judgmental, is probably be lying. Because, knowingly or unknowingly, we tend to pass on our judgment on anything and everything. But, why do we do that? Have we ever thought of it? May be, this passing of judgment actually makes us feel better and superior. It gives us a feeling that ‘we are much better than them, thank god’!

But does it really help? Not really! With lot of self analyzing, i have understood one thing…Instead of being judgmental, we should be more compassionate. Read: Meaning of Compassion

For example: If you help some old guy in crossing the road, were you being judgmental in thinking that the old man is incapable of doing it himself? No!! You only had an opinion that since he is old, he might not be able to cross the road on time and might be hurt  by a moving vehicle. That’s it! You were being compassionate in saving the old man’s life.

Another example which is so common is : If we see a girl who is not very pretty with a good looking guy, we tend to think…’how can she get such a good guy’? Here without even knowing the girl, we passed on our judgment that she cannot have a boyfriend because she doesn’t look as good as him!! We didn’t even try to know how her nature is? may be she has the most amazing personality and beautiful soul, which her boyfriend could see because he wasn’t being judgmental like us. True right!! Read: the meaning of Judgmental

Better understanding will help us to keep a better check on the opinion and words we use against others. Being a good listener and understanding the situation by keeping ourselves in others shoes will also help us in not being judgmental.



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