How I dealt with it?

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What is anxiety? How does it affect someone? What does it mean when someone says that they had an anxiety attack? What happens when someone gets it? Questions, only those who suffers it can answer. However, the definition goes this way…Anxiety is a state panic attack. The symptoms — chest pain, flushing skin, a racing heart, and difficulty breathing — can make you feel like you’re going to faint, lose your mind, or die. But the reality is, you won’t!

It is a feeling that can affect anyone. I realised it when I got it for the first time. I just can’t explain how weak it can make any healthy person. That feeling of sudden fear and then losing out on every senses in the body and the greatest terror of having a heart attack. I almost thought that I had got a cardiac arrest. You will feel that your heart is beating very fast and even the slightest sound/noise can scare you. God, I guess this is the worst feeling anyone can have. You will have this constant fear of something going wrong terribly with yourself and that you will die now. I never thought I would get something like this. Life is so unpredictable right? Anything can happen at any moment. I was about to get married when just 2 weeks before the wedding I had my second and serious panic/anxiety attack. It scared the hell out of me. I can’t explain how I felt. For continuously 3 days I couldn’t sleep because the moment I would try to sleep, I would feel that fear of staying alone will come back to me and my heart will start beating very fast. So fast that I felt I would get an attack now. But where did it all start from?

I never liked living alone. I have always wanted that there should be someone sleeping next to me at night. Truth is before shifting to Bangalore, I have never lived alone. My sister and my parents were always there with me. Be it back home in Assam or Delhi, I never had to sleep alone. But when I shifted to this new place, I didn’t have that luxury anymore. I knew I will have to stay alone and somehow to a greater extent, I had gathered that courage to live alone. Actually darkness scares me a lot so I would just switch on all the lights. Funny right. But trust me it’s not. When my sister shifted to Bangalore, I had forgotten completely how it’s like staying alone. So when she went home to help my parents with the wedding arrangements, I felt that my old fear might come back again. But initially it didn’t. I managed to stay alone and sleep well for couple of days. Than one fine night, out of nowhere I started getting this strange feeling of fear which didn’t let me sleep for the next 3 days.

I felt I had chest pain and whenever I would try to sleep, even for few minutes, I would get a weird dream that am not able to breath and my heart beat has become faster. Phew! It was bad.

I immediately sent a message to my fiancé’ and my sister at the middle of the night that I need to meet a cardiologist the next day. I was pretty serious about it. My fiancé felt that there was nothing wrong with my heart. May be I was worried or stressful, that’s what he thot. I was not happie about what was happening to me. I was about to get married and instead of being tension free and healthy, I was becoming sick.

I didn’t want my fiancé to think that am mad: p. I swear, I didn’t want him to think that am going crazy. Generally that’s what people think. Even after knowing that he loves me the most, I was scared that such things shouldn’t change his feelings for me. So I thot of doing something I am actually known for. My fiancé calls me google girl. I thot before seeing the doctor, let me read about my condition. And there I found exactly what I was looking for. My problem was that I was getting anxiety/panic attacks. But why? I didn’t know. I was happie that I found out what was wrong but upset because I wasn’t really sure why was I getting it. What also worried me was when I read about it, I found that the cure/remedy for it was talking to a counsellor who will take various sessions and put me through medication (which can also have side effects…as what I heard from people). I wasn’t happie and didn’t want to do any of it.

So I thot of helping myself out of it. But I didn’t know how!

I didn’t want to depend on anyone, not even the doctors.I wanted to be my own doctor.So my first step was to understand how I can help myself. I started talking to myself while going to sleep and telling myself that everything is fine and I am not sick. I kept telling that to myself for good 30 minutes on the first night and guess what, it worked. Luckily I fell asleep, after 3 bad sleepless nights.It was surprising for me. This was something which I had never done before with myself. And my source of inspiration was… Remember ‘All is well’ from the movie 3 Idiots! Well I just followed that. I know it’s funny but it’s true.It was a kind of self belief and assurance to myself to say ‘Everything is fine, I am fine’. I was so relieved and felt so fresh the next day. I immediately called my fiance and told him that I slept well. I started following this process everyday. I am so much better now and I hardly get these attacks now. But if I do, I follow the same thing. I am so proud on how I dealt with my issue. I think our will power plays a great role in helping us lead a wonderful life. Anybody can get a panic attack and the reason can be anything. You just have to have that faith in yourself and of course be honest to yourself. Don’t be conscious or scared to accept it, its not a disease. Be very open about it. It’s just a situation in one’s life. You should know how to deal with any kind of challenges in life. And the only person who can actually help you come out of your problems is you yourself.

In my situation, it was very easy for me to go to a stranger (counsellor) who doesn’t even know me and talk about it, but why? Why will I speak to a person I don’t know and tell them about my personal problems? Most of us do this because we feel that a stranger (who is a counsellor) will understand our problems better and be fair in his/her judgement. But why do that when we know that we ourselves can help our self. Such issues needs to be taken seriously. We have become so conscious and materialistic that we tend to ignore the real life.We are too busy pleasing others and trying to fit ourselves in the expectation of the society that we actually forget what we are and who we are. According to me, panic attack is the result of the frustration that has been building inside us. And no one can say since when!! These frustrations lead us to seek peace or rather find peace in all unhealthy things like smoking, drinking, sticking to our phone 24/7, drugs and loads more. However, we can take care of it. The way I helped myself is just one of the solutions, but there are other ways as well that can help us overcome this monster inside us. Let’s start spending more time with ourselves and do things that makes us happy first and then think about others. If you love yourself, only than you can love others.This will help us reduce the stress from our lives and we will become more positive in our acts.Our average life span has gone down and we can live a long and happie life only if we start taking care of us.

Make yourself happie first! Stay happie!

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