This is a weird question, isn’t it? All of us have lied at least once in our lifetime…be it for good or bad. I have always heard that ‘if we lie for a good cause, then it cannot be considered as a lie’. Hmmm…well may be.
I have lied many times in my life. Sometimes to save myself, sometimes to get something or sometimes out of anger. But I haven’t seen a person (until 2 years back) whose entire life is based on lies.
I am writing this post to share how a lie can overtake a life completely. Have we ever realized what pushes a person to lie so much that the lies become their life? Psychologists call these people Compulsive or Psychopathic liars. They tell lies even when they don’t feel they have to. According to an article in ‘The Hope Line’, Lying is saying something with the intent of creating a false belief or impression. It’s an attempt to get someone to believe something that is not true. They have also quoted that there are different kinds of lies, as well as different degrees of lying.
Why do we lie? Tad Williams says that “We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.” This is so very true. Someone might lie to get anything they desire—sex, money, status, power, love, etc. But many times, a person will lie because of pride or fear. They use it for nothing more than a tool to create a favorable image of themselves. This leads to exaggeration, which is again a form of lying. This is sometimes done by simply creating a fascinating, even if completely false, story.
I have met this lovely girl while working in one of my previous companies. She is intelligent, preety, smart and an ardent liar. Ouch! I know it’s a very strong word to be used on any one. But that’s the truth. She has built her whole life around lies, starting from the time she was born. During our first few conversation, she gave me a complete movie background of her life and trust me I believed her completely. She was so straight on face and convincing that I could have never imagined that she had been lying to me about everything in her life. Let me share some examples: here you go…
1st, She told me that she was the adopted kid and that her family is a Royal one. She never went to school as her father wanted her to get education at home due to which she never had friends. So it was never easy for her to make friends. Reality check! She has always been an introvert and so the no friends concept. 2ndly, She was molested often by her cousins which she had hidden from her family due to which she could never trust anyone. Reality check again! It’s the inferiority complex which makes her not open up to and like people who are better than her. 3rd, She has been living with her partner with whom she had a wedding registration only (another lie..I didn’t understand the reason to lie here) she is engaged to him not married. 4th, Her brother have worked for Microsoft (Germany), the truth is he has never gone out of his home town till 2 years ago. 5th, She has gone with her family for vacations to Europe and other countries. Truth, she had never gone out of India. 6th, Guys fall head over heels for her and her fiance doesn’t have any problem, this is trying to sound cool. Truth, she doesn’t meet too many people to make them fall for her. Infact she doesn’t meet anyone. 7th, She recently got divorced from her partner.I cried my heart out when I heard this and also felt guilty for not being able to be with her during her bad times. Truth, she is not married so no question of divorce. She often tells me that she is out for shopping with him, going for dinner etc because she forgets the lies she tells me. This is another characteristics of a liar, no matter how smart they are, they will tend to forget what they tell others. Phew!! This doesn’t end here. 8th, She had made a new friend who is a rich, middle aged, handsome guy. He runs a business and travels around the world 24×7. He is supposed to be her very close friend who also fell in love with her (even after he being married). He sends her expensive gifts from around the world. He is such an important figure in business but he doesn’t have a LinkedIn profile and is not at all active on any of the social media platform. The truth, this is again a lie to show herself superior and also to project that she has great contacts. Whenever I would ask her to send me pictures of that person, she would just make an excuse very confidently. There are so many such instances which if I sit down to write, will take one whole day of mine.
We became good friends who would share everything under the sun. But with every passing time, I have realised her habit has become her addiction now. Being a good friend I wanted to help her out. But I am seriously scared. She is leading that extreme level of false life that if I confront her, she will go into depression and might harm herself. She suffers from serious inferiority complex, due to which if I say anything good that I have done or experienced, she takes it as competition and builds up a new story on top of that. She wants to prove that er life is perfect and beautiful. Just like a fairy tale. Such people are so insecure that to make themselves look great, they point out mistakes in others. They love showing others as inferior. What amazed me the most (and may be one of the reasons why I pushed her away) was that she would introduce her fiance/husband to her friends as an un smart guy who is an introvert, belonged to a poor family and can’t speak fluent english and due to that he doesn’t like meeting too many people. Gosh! Who does that? But the truth is he is a very sweet, intelligent and a good looking guy.
In our peculiar relationship, loyalty was always one sided, that’s from me. I never wanted to leave her but her jealousy, inferiority complex and crave to put up a superior life have actually pushed her away from me. I was really scared for her. I knew that if i would lose my cool, i would end up showing her her true self and that might lead to a dangerous outcome – she harming herself to prove herself right. Sad, but true.
By being with her, I understood that people lie because they can get away with it, because it works for them. Lying is such an addiction that it often drives you to continue your deceptions. Liars often create more and more lies to cover their previous lies. Truth becomes a feared enemy of the liar. It’s a sick and tragic cycle that doesn’t ever have a happy ending…by Linda.
The best thing to do is to tell the truth rather than lying your way back through any situation… But, incase of my friend, It’s too late!!